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Post by Shadi on Feb 25, 2009 10:47:44 GMT -5
She couldn't sleep.
Not that she gave it very long, of course, but she huddled under the covers, her arms around her folded knees, as images of the past weeks flashed before her. When Rochester knocked, it was almost a relief. She wasn't exactly hungry, but at no time in her life had she been unable to eat.
She threw the covers off and pulled her robe back on, tying it tightly before opening the door.
"Hey," she said. "Food."
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Post by Rochester on Feb 25, 2009 10:55:34 GMT -5
"And plenty of it, if you have the appetite." *Rochester offered with a subtle smile, stepping back so she could exit.*
"Did you get any rest? I know it wasn't that long." *He hated this dance they'd been forced into, this civility without the touch and the heat and the affection. But it was still better than not having her at all. Or worse, Valmont having her.*
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Post by Shadi on Feb 25, 2009 11:25:43 GMT -5
"I'm fine," she said. "I mean, I'm not that tired. And I can always eat."
She pushed a sleeve back and glanced at him, almost timid.
"You sure you're okay?" she asked. She waved a hand. "I mean... with this."
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Post by Rochester on Feb 25, 2009 15:23:59 GMT -5
*Rochester couldn't resist himself, her looking so delicate in the moment. His eyes found hers, his hand alighting her cheek softly.*
"Of course I am, darling." *He said gently.* "Anything is better than the alternative."
*He realized how it sounded and was quick to clarify.*
"I'm afraid I'm at a loss when I don't have you about."
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Post by Shadi on Feb 25, 2009 15:46:25 GMT -5
Shadi blushed, smiling softly. Despite everything--namely the fact she'd left him for this very reason--she liked hearing it. She'd grown so suspicious of feeling good, for some reason. Now she could hardly remember. It felt like coming home... but with a bad report card. Not that she'd ever gone to school.
"You really shouldn't be," she said, a little wistfully. "You did fine... before." She dropped her eyes. "Sorry. We can talk about this later."
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Post by Rochester on Feb 25, 2009 15:50:34 GMT -5
"Whenever you're ready." *Rochester conceded with a nod, escorting her back to the spread of food in the other room. His eyes lingered on the way she moved, the simple pleasure of her company.*
"Is it so wrong, that I like to be around you?" *He asked honestly.*
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Post by Shadi on Feb 25, 2009 16:58:47 GMT -5
Shadi glanced back up at him.
"No," she said slowly. "No, I don't think so. I don't know if I can explain... Except that I don't think I'm the sort of person one should... should need. I'm not reliable. I'm not well-bred. I've no manners and no education and a great deal of arrogance. And you, Rochester... you're perfect. As you are. What does it mean, to want to be around me?"
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Post by Rochester on Feb 25, 2009 17:13:04 GMT -5
"That I'm obviously right." *Rochester answered easily and characteristically smug. Softening, he continued.*
"Perhaps, darling..." *He sighed gently.* "I've had reliable. And well-bred. Maybe...I need what you are to..."
*He pursed his lips, shaking his head tightly as he looked for the words.*
"...complete me."
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Post by Shadi on Feb 25, 2009 17:27:24 GMT -5
Shadi hugged herself, looking rather young in the too-large robe.
"People... should be complete by themselves," she said, her voice hushed, her eyes not quite looking at Rochester. "There's too many times there just isn't anyone. I'm not the romantic type."
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Post by Rochester on Feb 25, 2009 17:43:42 GMT -5
"Did I say you should be?" *Rochester's voice was soft, but matter-of-fact.*
"I don't want you to be something you aren't. And if you were truly happier without me in your life..." *He straightened, somewhat more dignified.*
"I will respect that choice."
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Post by Shadi on Feb 25, 2009 18:06:49 GMT -5
Shadi glanced up wildly, her eyes meeting his with unerring accuracy.
"No," she said, her voice stronger. "That isn't... that isn't it at all. I was miserable, Rochester. I tried to play it off, thinking about you being... free. Happy. Strutting about. No, it was never about.. not wanting to be with you."
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Post by Rochester on Feb 25, 2009 18:15:40 GMT -5
"You...just missed the strut?" *He offered in soft humor, cocking his hip and giving a few swaying steps before turning back to her. Rochester swallowed, carefully stepping back to her.*
"You could have told me. I would have listened. I don't want...you to feel like you can't come to me with something that worries you."
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Post by Shadi on Feb 25, 2009 18:29:59 GMT -5
Shadi couldn't hide he grin, at his antics, but it drooped again at his words. "I guess I figured you wouldn't, if you were really... if you were stuck on me, and all, and you didn't know." She shook her head. "I know it's stupid. It sounds stupid. I just... I didn't want to tie you up. Down. Whatever. Make you into something you weren't. And I thought maybe, if it was true... you wouldn't be able to see it."
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Post by Rochester on Feb 25, 2009 18:35:15 GMT -5
"Maybe I can't." *Rochester confessed honestly, sobering slightly from his easy smile.*
"But I know that nothing has ever made me feel as bad as reading your letter. Please, if you decide you can't stay...in the end, please tell me."
*He sighed, his hand lifting to caress her cheek with the back of his fingers.*
"I didn't understand. I couldn't. I thought I'd done...something. That you were unhappy with me."
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Post by Shadi on Feb 25, 2009 18:48:47 GMT -5
She didn't lean away from his touch. She didn't deserve it, but she couldn't make herself hurt him like that again.
"Oh, no," she said, unable to keep her eyes from filling with tears. "No, Rochester, I never... I never was happier. I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I never meant... I would have told you, I would have, if you'd done something. I'm not so tactful."
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