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Post by Loki Odinsson on Sept 18, 2015 16:37:26 GMT -5
He frowned in his sleep and lifted his head in grumpy effort, blinking a few times before he remembered the very serious situation they'd left off in.
"Teja-"
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Post by Teja on Sept 18, 2015 17:05:52 GMT -5
"Shh. You fell asleep in your chair."
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Sept 18, 2015 17:16:39 GMT -5
"I saw the blood in your bra-"
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Post by Teja on Sept 18, 2015 17:19:41 GMT -5
Her face fell.
"...oh."
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Sept 18, 2015 17:22:42 GMT -5
"What happened?"
He started standing so she could sit instead.
"It was the father, wasn't it-"
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Post by Teja on Sept 18, 2015 17:24:34 GMT -5
She fixed her gaze on the floor, looking so crushed that she was no longer even sad.
"I should have told you last night,"she said, after the longest pause.
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Sept 18, 2015 17:53:33 GMT -5
"...you slept with him, didn't you."
He was unable to fully keep the distaste from his voice, but he nodded in resignation, until the wrong note of the whole situation suddenly reared its head again.
Loki's own head snapped back again to face her.
"Was all that merely guilt?" he asked softly. "Teja, we agreed that it's all right for us to see other people. I don't hold it against you."
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Post by Teja on Sept 18, 2015 18:03:41 GMT -5
She buried her face in her hands when Loki's words brought back the memory as vividly as before - along with a different memory, from the Gala, of Loki's callous detachment from her when he had stopped time. His voice was nearly identical.
His dismissal of her reaction brought an edge of anger to her that allowed her to look up at him in sudden anger.
"Well, I'm not exaggerating being woozy-" she snapped. She'd have leapt to her feet and stomped away if not for that salient matter.
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Sept 18, 2015 18:07:25 GMT -5
"He fed on you, I saw," Loki interrupted. "Did something go wrong? Teja, I'm not a mind reader. Well- actually I am, but rifling around in one's crying fiancée's mind seems rather ungallant."
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Post by Teja on Sept 18, 2015 18:08:33 GMT -5
She already had one man in her life who didn't care what she wanted, she didn't need two.
"It's - it's a long story, and I can tell you don't want to hear it-"
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Sept 18, 2015 18:14:01 GMT -5
He made a breathy, disbelieving sort of short laughing sound in response.
"Actually, I've been hoping for an explanation since you came home, but you were so distraught that I wanted to give you some time to sort through whatever it was. I mean, last night I would have assumed he..."
There was a long silence. Loki stared at her.
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Post by Teja on Sept 18, 2015 18:19:24 GMT -5
She looked back at him, and realized what he meant and then she wavered. Her eyes shimmered, then dropped back to the floor.
"Well, I'm sorry you thought I was an innocent victim," she said with deep bitterness.
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Sept 18, 2015 18:25:41 GMT -5
"Teja, I don't understand-"
I don't know happened down there that made you so soft! Don't tell me it was that woman.
"Are you hurt?"
Oh, it was. Well maybe, when we're done here, I'll pay her a visit myself!
Loki grit his teeth and took a long, steadying breath before he opened his eyes again.
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Post by Teja on Sept 18, 2015 18:58:13 GMT -5
"I - I don't know."
She was reluctant to start talking, so she began at the beginning, far away from the topic of sex.
"I saw him last night, like I told you, but i didn't... I didn't tell you - I didn't want to - I went to see him and Loki, I was mad as hell, I don't even remember what happened- No, I started crying... I don't remember why I did that. I think because the day had been so horrible for me... Then he kissed me.
"I didn't - I didn't understand it at all, because he made it sound like Herbert was making that up, but I don't think he was, Loki, I think when called on it Johannes just pinned it on his son to keep it a secret - he - well, he made it out like he was half in love with me. At least the word infatuation was used - he said he couldn't stop thinking about me - I just. I don't know, I guess I was flattered, and, he's not terrible, I mean, he always scares me, and every time I talk to him there's at least one point where i remember, oh, he's a monster, he's killed people, he's tricked people, and mostly girls, I think, young girls, so he could kill them, but he doesn't even admit it like that, he makes himself sound more benevolent than he is, all 'I give eternal life' - I know he's all bad for me, or for anyone, and it's always stopped me from being really attracted to him. But I guess... last night...
"We didn't touch again, he smelled the blood from you biting me and honest to god, I thought he might really hurt me, so I left, but his son came down at the very end and he followed me out of the house and he convinced me to come back today, which I didn't want to do."
She threaded her fingers through her hair, knowing Loki would, if she was correct, fixate on Herbert, assuming machinations, ignoring the actual point of what she was saying, and she got so fucking mad at this thought that she snapped venomously, "Don't you start in on Herbert! He's nicer than you give him credit for being. You're just fucking jealous that his dad dotes on him so you can't see that Herbert's loving father could fuck him over as badly as yours did you."
She'd never put into words, even in her mind, that Johannes was a dangerous, damaging father to Herbert, and it shocked her that she had. Maybe she was exaggerating - she didn't know. She couldn't trust herself.
And being hurt by his father didn't make Herbert less dangerous. But she believed that while Johannes was telling the absolute truth - Herbert would never intervene on her behalf out of loyalty to his father - Herbert had not thought anything bad would happen to Teja; he must have thought she and Johannes were absolutely perfect for one another, and if it helped his friend Sarah, whom he could clearly see needed to get out of the relationship with the man who - oh god; her mouth and stomach twisted; the man who had murdered her as a teenager, with whom she'd had to pretend to be a lover from the time she was legally, possibly still a child, or nearly one, but a newly-made vampire with no resources, just to get by - well, by Herbert's reckoning, nothing but great things could come from the match.
Depressingly, she didn't know if Herbert would have even seen anything his father had done as wrong. In honesty, she could no longer remember what he had done wrong; in confusion she went back to the story just to try to figure it out for herself.
"I didn't tell you that part when I got home because I thought it would all be over today," she said unhappily. "I was going to go, tell him I was sorry but we shouldn't see each other anymore, and then go, so I didn't want you to know, I didn't want you to -"
She'd been going to repeat it again, without change. She quickly moved on instead.
"I met Sarah coming out before I even got in and she made me walk with her and she told me something funny basically saying, I think, that Johannes had never really loved her, but she thought, as a result, that his feelings were sincere for me, because in the past he did a lot of bad things but apparently now he's very strict about moving into this century and modern times and being accepted by society.
"So when I got there..."
She took a deep breath. What had happened when she'd gotten there? She could hardly even remember now, it was ridiculous. She shut her eyes and tried to recall the exact memory.
"I think I started out trying to get the words out, but first he actually took me upstairs, and into his private study, to have the conversation, and I don't know... eventually I said it, but he thought I meant because he was a vampire, but really it was because I didn't want to have an affair, but I couldnt' say that - He said some stuff about my heartbeat, that I was afraid, that I enjoyed it? I don't remember everything. He said I enjoyed it and he pulled me closer. I said I was...."
Her throat felt dry. She didn't really want to tell Loki this.
"I told him I didn't want to fall in love with him, I think. And then he kissed me. And he said nobody was there to save me... I know that sounds bad, but I don't think he meant it like that, I think he meant it... cautiously. I don't know. I was afraid, and he asked me if I'd go to bed with him, but when I didn't he thought it was because he's... old, I think, and looks old, and when he asked again, I just... I don't know. I wanted to then. I told him I did, but I also - like, I hoped it wouldn't go there? I did want to, I'm so sorry, Loki, but I..."
She broke off, remembering something else, though if this had taken place then or earlier she didn't remember. "I think when I said I felt something for him he wanted me to prove it so.. I think later I did try to prove it, so he led me upstairs."
Now she sounded absolutely miserable. She covered her face with her hands again.
"I don't want to talk about it - Loki, I know what it sounds like, but it's worse than that... I... I did like it. And he knows I did and that's why he's....making... me.... go back."
As if she hadn't said enough already, a defence spilled out, her voice shaken as though she were going to cry again.
"I wanted to say I didn't want to do that again, I wanted to see if we could just go back to how it had been before, I regretted everything all at once, but he didn't let me say that, and oh my god, Loki, I think he really does love me and I'm so afraid of him, now I'm going to disappoint him and everyone and I don't want this - Also, Loki, he doesn't like me being with you, I can tell, he wanted me to like him more than you, I don't even think it's like you and Fandral, he... he wants to keep me, Loki, it's something like that, and now- now that all that's happened I can't hardly say no, now, can I? I already put out!"
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Sept 18, 2015 19:26:14 GMT -5
Loki put his hands over hers.
"You don't have to go back to him. Don't go back to work- don't go anywhere he can find you. We'll leave Manhattan if we have to- darling, how would you like to go to Asgard for a little while?"
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