Good Enough
Feb 21, 2012 22:07:25 GMT -5
Post by László on Feb 21, 2012 22:07:25 GMT -5
The house was awfully quiet when he finally crept back out of his room. It had been really quiet for a while, in fact, and he wondered if anyone had heard the brief argument before John had left. Not that it would have bothered him if they had. People eavesdropping or overhearing wasn't really the issue at the moment.
No. It was how he was feeling.
As he walked back down and out into the backyard, looking for some kind of refuge that he hadn't really found in the familiar walls of his room, László's mind played over and over again what had just happened.
He'd gotten embarrassingly drunk, for one, and he was starting to feel the after-effects of that in the pain in his head. He hated losing his self-control like that, but Alain had so upset him that nothing else had made that upset go away. And that conversation, that one with John, John's feelings on the matter. László had thought him so charmingly romantic, naiive, to think things that way. He thought that maybe all of the strange tension between them could be solved if John could just get laid already.
And he had been, hadn't he? László had used everything he knew, his best, for that. He'd given as much as he could give, hoping that maybe it would help, that it would satisfy, and that would be the end of it. It'd been such a welcome change, to see John uninhibited, as László had been sure he would be in bed.
But it hadn't changed anything, at least, not the tension. But something else had changed, hadn't it?
I love you.
He'd said it. John had said it.
I love you.
Said it while they were at their most abandoned, seeing László as...
I love you.
Not a whore. Not an object. Not trash. Human. Fragile, emotional, physical human.
He stopped in his tracks, his breath hitching as it came together in his head. He almost started crying again.
"Oh god, what did I do?"
No. It was how he was feeling.
As he walked back down and out into the backyard, looking for some kind of refuge that he hadn't really found in the familiar walls of his room, László's mind played over and over again what had just happened.
He'd gotten embarrassingly drunk, for one, and he was starting to feel the after-effects of that in the pain in his head. He hated losing his self-control like that, but Alain had so upset him that nothing else had made that upset go away. And that conversation, that one with John, John's feelings on the matter. László had thought him so charmingly romantic, naiive, to think things that way. He thought that maybe all of the strange tension between them could be solved if John could just get laid already.
And he had been, hadn't he? László had used everything he knew, his best, for that. He'd given as much as he could give, hoping that maybe it would help, that it would satisfy, and that would be the end of it. It'd been such a welcome change, to see John uninhibited, as László had been sure he would be in bed.
But it hadn't changed anything, at least, not the tension. But something else had changed, hadn't it?
I love you.
He'd said it. John had said it.
I love you.
Said it while they were at their most abandoned, seeing László as...
I love you.
Not a whore. Not an object. Not trash. Human. Fragile, emotional, physical human.
He stopped in his tracks, his breath hitching as it came together in his head. He almost started crying again.
"Oh god, what did I do?"