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Post by Erik on Dec 31, 2008 15:00:18 GMT -5
"Of course," Erik said easily. Mortimer was always fairly touchy, and Erik took it as a sign that he was in the process of being forgiven. "You were pretty before, too." He put an arm around Mortimer experimentally, hoping not to be thrust away.
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Post by Mortimer on Dec 31, 2008 15:09:01 GMT -5
"But different before. Yes? I'm prettier now, aren't I?"
He pushed up into the arm, lifting up on his toes and stretching the lean muscle of his body so that he could get his face closer to level with Erik's, having to tilt his head back to look up at the man, their chins nearly touching, a small smile playing at the corners of the sharkman's mouth.
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Post by Erik on Dec 31, 2008 15:12:54 GMT -5
Erik was starting to get an inkling as to the nature of the discomfort he was feeling. It was the smile that did it--it wasn't one Mortimer had had in his repertory before.
He thought, perhaps, he'd been exactly right in his warning about Valmont.
"You look more like Julian," Erik allowed. "But I liked you better before. You looked... unique." The key, of course, was unique and human (more or less). Erik did not particularly prize uniqueness in itself, except in his more self-aggrandizing moments.
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Post by Mortimer on Dec 31, 2008 15:20:37 GMT -5
"Never good enough for Erik, no. Hm, it's okay. I will settled for...everyone else."
He gave Erik a gentle shove backward and turned away, casting about for the clothing he'd shed much earlier and tsking at its state. Valmont would not approve, he would have to get an entirely new wardrobe--maybe Valmont could help with that as well.
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Post by Erik on Dec 31, 2008 15:29:30 GMT -5
"What?" Erik said stupidly, entirely befuddled. "What have your looks to do with anything? Good enough for..."
The pieces fell into place and that revelation rooted Erik to the spot. "What are you saying, Mortimer?" he asked, his voice steady but his heart quailing. His dear, innocent, unspoiled Mortimer. He'd been right all along.
Valmont would die.
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Post by Mortimer on Dec 31, 2008 15:39:02 GMT -5
The little man pulled his trousers into place, leaving himself shirtless for the moment and turning back to Erik, his hips canted a bit and his smile obscene.
"If Erik will not have Mortimer--if I am not good enough f' someone like Erik--I must prove worthy to others. Erik said so himself, that Valmont would have anything at all and then proved that. I will have to find other people who are not so like Valmont to prove Mortimer is wanted."
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Post by Erik on Dec 31, 2008 15:42:58 GMT -5
Erik gaped at him in astonishment.
"But is that truly what you want, Mortimer?" he asked. "Why should you need to prove such a thing? Erik was wrong--even if Valmont has no scruples nor standards, you are quite desirable enough that one does not need to be Valmont to find you attractive. But why should you need proof, for Erik? Erik loves you. Beyond sex. Beyond your looks. Why is this not enough? Is Erik's... is Erik's lust truly what you desire?"
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Post by Mortimer on Dec 31, 2008 15:56:04 GMT -5
He padded back over to his friend, shirt folded over one arm, and reached up to touch Erik's cheek.
"Erik has lived a long time and missed much of life. I understand. But I am ever so much older than Erik, and have experienced next to nothing. Hm..." he took a moment to get more words into his head before continuing. "Mortimer loves Erik much mu--very much. More and different than Julian, Henry, Valmont. Mortimer is not a person, does not have person-thoughts. Hm...I'm not sure how to explain f' Erik to understand. You don't want to have Mortimer, but I want to know things. Human things. I will learn them with others."
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Post by Erik on Dec 31, 2008 16:00:49 GMT -5
This behavior was confounding. The changes were coming too quickly for Erik to handle, Mortimer's "growth"--if Erik could call it that--happening at an exponential rate. How had it happened? How had his friend, unchanged while Erik grew up and grew bitter, altered so much in a span of weeks?
He grasped Mortimer's shoulder, searching his new face for some key to the mystery.
"What more do you wish to know?" he asked. "What more is there to learn beyond the cruelty of Man, the sublimeness of love? You love Erik, Mortimer. Are you in love with him? If Erik does not want you, it is because... you are too good for him. Not the other way around."
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Post by Mortimer on Dec 31, 2008 16:12:20 GMT -5
"Closer to Erik than to Henry. Again...not person thoughts. I cannot make Erik understand, I don't understand, to think as a person is too hard too...caged. What is in love? Mortimer loves Erik most of all. Not good, too good...doesn't matter. Erik will only have Julian, Mortimer will have everyone else. Maybe will learn and come back. Maybe will not."
His face was fairly impassive. He blinked once or twice, certain there was no way of making Erik understand what he hardly understood himself.
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Post by Erik on Dec 31, 2008 16:39:13 GMT -5
Erik had no such policy of only having Julian--it was merely that everyone else had left him. He had thought Julian never would. He had thought that about Mortimer, too.
"So what you're saying," he said slowly, "is that you're leaving. Like everyone else, for reasons Erik does not understand, and which you are unable--or unwilling--to explain. Erik had a pretty face. Once. It did not make anyone love me more--though they touched me a great deal." His hand tightened. "What can I do?" he asked, his voice nearly pleading.
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Post by Mortimer on Dec 31, 2008 16:49:58 GMT -5
"I'm not leaving because I think someone will love me. Just to gave things Erik is...unwilling to share."
Anger and hurt had motivated him to this state, but that didn't make what he said any less true. THough now he was more mindful, now that he was calm, of Erik's hurt and gave a familiar little purr, carefully pressing into the man.
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Post by Erik on Dec 31, 2008 16:59:15 GMT -5
"Erik did not know you wanted those things," he said childishly. "How am I supposed to know? Why must you leave? You need a home. People who understand you. Go where you like, Mortimer, but not forever."
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Post by Mortimer on Dec 31, 2008 17:10:46 GMT -5
Mortimer laughed musically and nuzzled Erik's neck. "Why do you think I asked about them, Erik."
He sighed a bit. "Will not go forever. Just f' now. Hm, I will stay with Valentine Above. But Erik will always be Mortimer's home."
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Post by Erik on Dec 31, 2008 17:20:53 GMT -5
"Well I didn't know you were asking to have them from me!" Erik blurted, extremely discomfited and wondering if he'd ever regain comfort with Mortimer's affectionate gestures.
He wondered how much it would take for him to treat Mortimer the way Valmont had. But Erik had a harder time with those he loved--anyone he loved did not deserve to have his body inflicted upon them, and if they submitted, they were somehow less worthy. Nadir did not count--he was an old friend, and they'd been very, very drunk. Julian did not either, for he was part of Erik. Mortimer was, like Christine, pure. Erik wanted to be the whole of their lives, but not sully them with his own flesh.
But he was known to become desperate, from time to time.
"Erik will miss you, Mortimer," he said mournfully. "He did not mean to hurt you. He did not mean to drive you away."
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