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Post by Georgiana on Jun 8, 2006 15:59:29 GMT -5
This is all I've got.....
BONNIE MARIE Do you hear the Suezettes sing? Singing a song of past abuse? It is the music of a people Who think Eriks teh hotness yeah!! When sweetness of your smile Echoes the throbbing of Joels groin There is a life about to start When a Suezette comes!
ANNEKE Will you join in our bad pasts? Who will be strong yet weak with me? Beyond the vampire tendencies Is there a Erik you long to *cough*? MARIANNE Then be unfullyformed It will give you the right to SQUEE!!!!!
ALL Do you hear the Suzettes sing? Singing a song of abusive!Roul!? It is the music of a people Who will not be drug addicts again! When the fainting of your body Echoes triplets in your womb There is a life about to start When a Suzette comes!
KEITA Will you give all you can give So that our plotholes may advance Some will fall(cough off a roof) and some will live Will you stand up jump off and chance ? The blood of our secret love Will water the meadows of France!
ALL Do you hear the Suzettes sing? Singing a song of Wanton Goddesses? It is the music of a people Who will not be so alone!!!! again When trembling of your breasts Echoes the struggle in your eyes There is a life about to start When a Suzette comes!
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Post by Nadir on Jun 8, 2006 16:16:26 GMT -5
((Heee. I've got a couple to do once I get home; i.e. NOT on my mum's boss's (bosses? bosses's? bosse's?) computer.))
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Post by Bonnie-Marie on Jun 8, 2006 16:52:15 GMT -5
Hahahaha. Ha.
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Dominic
- Ingenious Pilot -
Posts: 139
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Post by Dominic on Jun 8, 2006 17:08:08 GMT -5
I think I'm going to join in on this fun... with yet another Cats song.
The best opera divas just cannot compare To Mary-Sue's talent and wonderful hair! And we all say Oh! Well I never, was there ever A character as crappy as Mary-Sues in Phantom fics!
She's gorgeous, we could call her divine From her head to the tip of her toes Her eyes full of sparkle and shine She smells better than the sweetest rose Her dresses are equally fine (Though a chorus girl's salary blows) She is always crying but we wish she'd be dying When she runs down to Erik to whine
She can seduce any man with a smile But she turns her full charm on"him" She possesses very little guile She's innocent and pure (but not prim) She's a virgin one moment - but then it is gone! She'll wake up next morning lying in Erik's swan!
And we all say Oh! Well I never, was there ever A character as crappy as Mary-Sues in Phantom fics!
And we all say Oh! Well I never, was there ever A character as crappy as Mary-Sues in Phantom fics!
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Post by Nadir on Jun 8, 2006 22:52:24 GMT -5
Ohhh this one has a plot! To the tune of The Confrontation from Miss Saigon.
(Erik and Nadir hear Christine has returned, claiming to have Erik’s baby and wanting him to take her back and raise their child after abusive Raoul threw her out or something. She and the Sue exchange heated words and Christine flees after attempting to make the Sue care for her deformed baby. Erik and Nadir return.)
Erik: We could not find her anywhere Honey, what's wrong?
Sue: Christine was here- The one who had to tell her was me.
Nadir: Oh, my god, it's my fault!
Erik: I knew we were gone too long!
Sue: No, I think it's exactly what I had to see There are some things you left out all right She wants her husband to go to her estate tonight!
Erik: That's not how things were, I just promised her--
Nadir: It's the same to her!
Sue: Don't explain There's nothing you can say It's like she went insane She tried to give away her own child.
Nadir: She wants her son to be an Angel of Music.
Sue: Don't you see, she thinks she's married to you. You must tell her she's not; she must hear it from you-- 'course it only depends if it's true
Erik: Please don't doubt me, Marie! You're my wife People assume I died and had no life-- But I had you!
Sue: You can say what you want, but she's borne you a son. In your nightmares the name that you shouted was hers! You've been with me two years and not shared lists of girls you've done. Don't hold back Let me see Is it her now or me?
Erik: Let me tell you the way it was Back when I was a different man Back when I didn't have a clue who I am The feelings locked behind a dam That kept me there in the Angel Scam…
There in the shambles of the corps I found what I was looking for! Opera was crazed, but she was real And for one moment I could feel.
Then her curiosity came right through— I wish I’d stuck that mask on with glue. But in spite of all the sh*t she did, We had sex, she had a kid.
So I wanted to keep her, then forget her, Christ I'm an Angel! How could I fail to do good? All she made was a mess, just like everyone else, In a lair full of mystery That they never once understood… I wanted back a world I knew The story of my life began again--with you!
Sue: Erik: It's all right now Oh Marie, I should have told you I'm with you We'll get through this, Will you ever, ever trust me again? We'll pull through. All I want All I have In my life In my life now is you. is you.
Miss Saigon songs are another goldmine, I think... To the tune of The American Dream, again from Miss Saigon:
[Wankineer:] Her father was long ago shot before her eyes. But in the race for death her mother took the prize. Leaving her an orphan, on the cruel, cold streets. And yet she always had enough change for sweets. She doesn’t have to live in a trench. She never aquires a stench. And she learns perfect Parisian French.
Then she auditioned on a dare… She had a home—a job—guess where? Are you surprised she won the lead? When ev’ry other girl she did exceed?
[Sue:] ”Christine’s old dressing room is mine! The patron’s invited me to dine! My new wardrobe is divine!
”I'm fed up with smaller bit parts. I'm too good to waste my talent for Brie. I am able to steal all their hearts-- In an opera where I sing on-key! Make me Aminta, here’s a hint-ah: I’m expert in the aaaarts!”
[Wankineer:] What's that I smell in the air The Suethorian dream! A character oh-so-rare, The Suethorian dream! Fleck-eyed, glorious hair, The Suethorian dream! Corset-free, making you stare At her bosom of cream!
Erik in a shrine—
[Suethor:] ”Copyright is mine!”
[Wankineer:] And best of all, it's online-- The Suethorian dream
[Suethor:] Boring canon makes writing tricky. When I’m published I’ll have a fanbase of ten! Erik and Christine can have a quickie— She’ll know she loves him and tells Raoul, then, He’ll send her flying, then he’ll be dying… And Erik’s sword is all sticky…
[Wankineer:] What's that I twitch when I hear? The Suethorian dream! Erik is no longer austere, The Suethorian dream! All his bad traits disappear, the Suethorian dream! Raoul is proven to be queer, the Suethorian dream! Christine looses all of her fear, the Suethorian dream! Pregnancy won’t hinder career, the Suethorian dream! Canon takes it well in the rear, The Suethorian dream! On stage each night: PONR! the Suethorian dream!
Leroux down the drain! Oh God I’m in pain! It’s time this Suethor was slain!
[Suethor: (spoken)] What?
[Wankineer:] The Wankerian Dream!
[All:] Come ev'ryone, come and share The Suethorian dream! Vicomtes don’t care if you swear— the Suethorian dream! Redecorate the whole lair! the Suethorian dream! Go toss your bright mane of hair; the Suethorian dream! What other place can compare the Suethorian dream! Smash canon beyond repair the Suethorian dream!
[Wankineer: (points to ffn)]
There we’ll see who Has the worst Mary Sue Then we’ll try to give her a clue!
[All:] The Suethorian dream!
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Post by Rose on Jun 9, 2006 4:34:39 GMT -5
Haha, too funny!
But what's really funny... I was looking up more musical songs, and I looked at the lyrics to Memory from Cats and I realized that heck, it's pretty much a Sue song all on it's own! Oh, the angst... but I figured I might augment the lyrics somewhat to suit our devious purposes. ;D
Just imagine singing this in all it's angsty glory, with your hand to your heart and howling your lungs out, perhaps falling to your knees in your heartbreak. (Don't tell me that doesn't make you laugh!)
Midnight Not a sound from the pavement But the Sue and her angsting She is crying alone In the moonlight Her beautiful eyes glitter like stars And the tears course down her cheeks
Mary-Sue! All alone in the nighttime She wanders so aimlessly Hoping Erik will come She is helpless, can't do much without a man by her side All it takes is a bat of her eyes
Daylight She awakes in the swan bed After a night filled with passion (He's a masterful virgin) With her hair tousled And her cheeks adorably flushed More sexxing will begin
((full angst here))
Touch meeeee! You know you can't resist me! And my bosom so creamy And my eyes flecked with gold If you touch me You'll understand what happiness is
Look A new Sue has been born!
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Post by Alandra on Jun 9, 2006 7:26:54 GMT -5
You just made me spit my coke out.
You're all hilarious.
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Post by Bonnie-Marie on Jun 9, 2006 7:33:10 GMT -5
Dude you guys, these are all so amazing! How do you come up with them so quickly? Ya'll are cranking them out, I feel so inadequate.
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Post by Bonnie-Marie on Jun 9, 2006 8:32:00 GMT -5
Ok, so here's my first try. Not very good, not very clever, not a musical song, but it popped in there and stayed until I wrote it. Dang evil plot bunnies.
Set to "Oops!...I Did it Again" by You-Know-Who.
*type type type type type type* *type type type type type type*
[Suethor] You think I did it again I wrote in a Sue with a life just like mine Oh readers please It might seem like she’s me But please don’t assume that’s how it will be ‘Cause I swear I won’t write her To be like me in every way So please review!
[Phanwankers] Crap, she did it again A self-insert phic--with modern-day songs! Oh, stop her, please! She still thinks she is “Good, just misunderstood!” Let’s teach her otherwise!
[Suethor] You see, the story’s like this: A girl from today Gets zapped to the past and goes to find love But I swear that she’s not me! Her eyes are dark blue, and mine are bright green! And I promise, my readers, That she won’t be a Mary Sue! Believe me, oh!
[Phanwankers] No, you’ve done it again A self-insert phic—it’s so obvious! Delete it now. Stop defending yourself We can all read! We’re not that dumb, you know.
*type type type type type type* *type type type type type type*
~~~Dialogue~~~ Erik: Before you go, there’s something I want you to know. Sue: Oh, I would love to know, my dearest love. Erik: You alone can make my song take flight! Sue: But wait a minute…didn’t you say that to— Erik: Forget about her. You’re all I need now. Sue: Oh Erik, I— Phanwankers: RAAAHH!! ~~~End scene~~~
[Phanwankers] Yes, we did it again to a Sue! Got her lame fanfic torn down, haha! Yes we’ve saved the whole phandom again Now let’s make some fun manips!
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Post by Alandra on Jun 9, 2006 8:36:40 GMT -5
*claps* bravo, bravo
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Post by Alandra on Jun 9, 2006 8:52:27 GMT -5
Okey, my turn. It's the first song from Beauty and the beast, well I think it is.
Sue: Opera House, it's a dangerous place Every day like nothing before Opera House full of angsty people Waking up to say...
all the Sues: Bonjour Bonjour Bonjour Bonjour Bonjour
Sue: There goes Raoul with his smile, like always The same old helping attitude and all Every morning just the same Since the morning that we came To this dramatic Opera House
Stable boy: Good morning, Sue Sue: good morning monsieur stable boy: where are you off to? Belle: the underground cave, I just have to see my one love Eric, and make him forget about that stupid Chris- Stable boy: that's nice.
Ballet Rats: look, there she goes the girl is strange, no question dazed and distracted, can't you tell? Always in front of any crowd cause her head's up on some cloud no denying she's a funny girl, that Sue
Man 1: bonjour Woman 1: good day Man 1: how is your family? Woman 2: bonjour Man 2: good day Woman 2: how is your wife? Woman 3: I need....ballet shoes Man 3: that's too expensive!
Sue: there isn't more than this angsty life!
Man: ah, Sue Sue: Good morning. I've come to be the lead in the next opera Man: oh well thats fine Belle: oh I couldn't not do it, I'm always up for a challenge Man: (chuckle) I know Belle: that's alright. I'll go rehearsing Man: but the opera is in a day Belle: well it's not like I have to do anything I am so good. Man: if that's so then you must be the prima donna Belle: but sir?!? Man: I insist! Belle: well thank you, thank you very much!
Ballet rats: look, there she goes, that girl is so peculiar I wonder if she's feeling well with a dreamy, far-off look and a beautiful face what a puzzle to the rest of us is Sue
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Post by Bonnie-Marie on Jun 9, 2006 8:57:54 GMT -5
HAHAHA, brilliant! The conversation with the man just about killed me.
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Post by Nadir on Jun 9, 2006 12:38:52 GMT -5
all the Sues: Bonjour Bonjour Bonjour Bonjour Bonjour The mental image of Sues popping their heads out of every nook and cranny in the Opera. *pees self* Brava.
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Dominic
- Ingenious Pilot -
Posts: 139
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Post by Dominic on Jun 9, 2006 12:41:37 GMT -5
all the Sues: Bonjour Bonjour Bonjour Bonjour Bonjour The mental image of Sues popping their heads out of every nook and cranny in the Opera. *pees self* Brava. I didn't even think of it until you said so, but now I'm giggling like crazy!
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Dominic
- Ingenious Pilot -
Posts: 139
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Post by Dominic on Jun 9, 2006 13:00:35 GMT -5
I have to add more to the hilarious Beauty and the Beast one!
Sue: Oh, isn't this amazing? Erik's gone and stolen my heart! True that he's no Prince Charming But the Suethors have delusions Let them be
Wanker: I can't believe I've read another "Roule" It's really not that hard to spell!
Wanker: These Suethors rot their brain With Roule's Ingenious Plane They're stranger than the rest of us
Other characters in story: She's nothing like the rest of us Yes, better than the rest of us is Sue!
Nadir: Wow, you always score, Erik! You've got the hugest bit of manliness in the whole world! Erik: I know Nadir: No Sue stands a change against resisting you - no woman at all, for that matter! Erik: It's true, Nadir, and I've got my sights set on that one Nadir: T-the prima ballerina!? Erik: She's the one, the lucky girl I'm going to seduce Nadir: But she's-- Erik: The most perfect Sue of them all! Nadir: I know-- Erik: That makes her the best! After all the pain I've been through, don't I deseve the best? Nadir: Well of course, I mean you do, but you have so many others-- Erik: Right from the moment when I met her, saw her I said she's gorgeous and I fell At the Opera there's only she Who could love a monster like me So I'm making plans to lure and sex up Sue!
Other Sues: Look there he goes! isn't he dreamy? Monsieur Erik! Oh, he's so cute! Be still my heart! I'm hardly breathing! (Despite the fact that he's a psychotic brute!)
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