it's a cruel summer leaving me here on my own
Sept 10, 2014 20:57:29 GMT -5
Post by Nina Fortner on Sept 10, 2014 20:57:29 GMT -5
Nina had gotten up early and gone jogging and dressed for the greatest success, both with her fellow travelers in general and with a Curtis Connors, Ph.D in particular, but it had ended in fantastic calamity with Megan's brunch-hour breakdown. She'd wept downstairs for a while and was still sniffling when she'd finally heard Curt's footsteps on the stairs, and in a mad scrabble for composure - dreading him seeing her weeping again, dreading still further the conversation that would inevitably take place when she either explained that her self-centered babyishness had driven Megan to a breakdown, or even the fact that she might have to describe Megan's issues in a betraying sort of fashion - she'd fled from the house quickly, returning to the beaches she'd just left and going still further out than before. There was a natural cave in the rocks some way down and the emptiness of it seemed beckoning. Part of her wanted the drama and romance of remaining miserable and sobbing her heart out in there, but the muted sound of waves was calming and pleasant, and the smell of seawater. She was not happy, but it removed her from herself, and better, soothed some of her self-destructive thoughts. She did not necessarily feel she had any great right to live - or any particularly compelling reason, either, for that matter - but inside the little cave, she felt a bit more like she did not exist. It was comforting.
It had been hours by the time she returned to the compound, and she ran into Dr. Banner in the hallway. She cringed internally, instinctively, but he only paused to tell her Curt had asked about her, and he hadn't known where she was. "We're finally off to do some science, though," he said apologetically. "I'm going to be late, as a matter of fact. I hope your dad won't hold it against me."
She hid her relief and channeled her cornered-animal feelings into looking and sounding disappointed. A feeling of guilt started to bloom under her diaphragm after Banner left. I did want to see Curt. But not now. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror on the way back to her room. She was a little startled by the fact that she hadn't looked like a wreck when Banner had seen her; there was no evidence she'd cried in a cave earlier, she merely looked a little windswept.
Maybe after they're finished in their laboratory, I'll feel more like talking. Admittedly, she was now concerned about running into Megan, whom she knew was not involved in any scientific capacity. But wherever Megan was, she was probably avoiding Nina. Actually, Nina felt she should begin to worry about her. If she'd felt like Nina had, she'd have run off somewhere, and it wasn't impossible she'd been injured. But that wasn't likely, was it? And how would she feel if Nina chased after her and burst in on her trying to find a little peace of mind? She imagined how that conversation was likely to go. What are you doing here? Little miss Nazi Science doesn't think I can go for a walk on the fucking beach now without hurting myself? Hey - hey Nina, I have a question for you-
Nina let out a breath she didn't realize she'd begun holding and placidly wiped another tear off her face. No, she couldn't try and confront Megan - perhaps if she wasn't back by nightfall, but before then -
Nina returned to her room wishing she'd brought something to do, to read, anything. Well, it was a beach. There was one thing to do. She changed into her swimsuit and hit the water. That should occupy her time. It did, but did not do a spectacular job of it. She found her body occupied, but her mind continued through the worst spiral of thoughts, almost methodically.
What if you dove and didn't come up for air in time? That was improbable; Nina was not as good as many but she was a keen swimmer. That's right, Miss Nazi Science, you could probably hold your breath for minutes. But wouldn't it be nicer if you couldn't?
Go on, that's it, said the voice in her head. Keep diving. If you go down far enough it won't matter how long you can hold your breath.
Nina broke through the surface gasping for air with no clear memory of the past few minutes. It would be best now if she returned to shore, she thought, so she did. Toweling her hair, she went into the kitchen area and poured a glass of water for herself. Outside, the sunlight was streaming in with a clear tint of orange; the sun would be setting soon. Surely they would finish up in the laboratory soon. Surely Megan would be coming back, wherever she was.
Nina began frowning. Distantly, she thought she heard music. Adrian said there were sometimes other people on the island, although he owned it. Perhaps that was what was going on. She strained to hear it. If anything, she thought, it was becoming louder. Now faintly suspicious, on a surface level - and on a deeper level, latching onto the mystery eagerly to relieve herself of the burden of her thoughts - she set down her glass half-full and walked out and down to the beach again.
It had been hours by the time she returned to the compound, and she ran into Dr. Banner in the hallway. She cringed internally, instinctively, but he only paused to tell her Curt had asked about her, and he hadn't known where she was. "We're finally off to do some science, though," he said apologetically. "I'm going to be late, as a matter of fact. I hope your dad won't hold it against me."
She hid her relief and channeled her cornered-animal feelings into looking and sounding disappointed. A feeling of guilt started to bloom under her diaphragm after Banner left. I did want to see Curt. But not now. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror on the way back to her room. She was a little startled by the fact that she hadn't looked like a wreck when Banner had seen her; there was no evidence she'd cried in a cave earlier, she merely looked a little windswept.
Maybe after they're finished in their laboratory, I'll feel more like talking. Admittedly, she was now concerned about running into Megan, whom she knew was not involved in any scientific capacity. But wherever Megan was, she was probably avoiding Nina. Actually, Nina felt she should begin to worry about her. If she'd felt like Nina had, she'd have run off somewhere, and it wasn't impossible she'd been injured. But that wasn't likely, was it? And how would she feel if Nina chased after her and burst in on her trying to find a little peace of mind? She imagined how that conversation was likely to go. What are you doing here? Little miss Nazi Science doesn't think I can go for a walk on the fucking beach now without hurting myself? Hey - hey Nina, I have a question for you-
Nina let out a breath she didn't realize she'd begun holding and placidly wiped another tear off her face. No, she couldn't try and confront Megan - perhaps if she wasn't back by nightfall, but before then -
Nina returned to her room wishing she'd brought something to do, to read, anything. Well, it was a beach. There was one thing to do. She changed into her swimsuit and hit the water. That should occupy her time. It did, but did not do a spectacular job of it. She found her body occupied, but her mind continued through the worst spiral of thoughts, almost methodically.
What if you dove and didn't come up for air in time? That was improbable; Nina was not as good as many but she was a keen swimmer. That's right, Miss Nazi Science, you could probably hold your breath for minutes. But wouldn't it be nicer if you couldn't?
Go on, that's it, said the voice in her head. Keep diving. If you go down far enough it won't matter how long you can hold your breath.
Nina broke through the surface gasping for air with no clear memory of the past few minutes. It would be best now if she returned to shore, she thought, so she did. Toweling her hair, she went into the kitchen area and poured a glass of water for herself. Outside, the sunlight was streaming in with a clear tint of orange; the sun would be setting soon. Surely they would finish up in the laboratory soon. Surely Megan would be coming back, wherever she was.
Nina began frowning. Distantly, she thought she heard music. Adrian said there were sometimes other people on the island, although he owned it. Perhaps that was what was going on. She strained to hear it. If anything, she thought, it was becoming louder. Now faintly suspicious, on a surface level - and on a deeper level, latching onto the mystery eagerly to relieve herself of the burden of her thoughts - she set down her glass half-full and walked out and down to the beach again.