|
Post by Erik on Oct 8, 2007 22:11:46 GMT -5
"But... Erik is with you, Julian," *he said, mystified. He felt his gifted face melting away, but didn't know why.* "Always. Can't you feel him? What would you have of me?"
*Their foreheads met, and if anyone had been watching they might legitimately be confused as to who was who.*
|
|
|
Post by Julian on Oct 9, 2007 0:05:58 GMT -5
*Julian let a faint laugh escape his lips, the words that followed little more than air.*
"You know."
*He sighed, relenting and rubbing against Erik's forehead.*
"I...I cannot force you to understand. But you will. I will wait. What else can I do?"
*His tongue passed over his lips, wetting them. It grazed Erik's own faintly.*
Don't you know how I feel? What I need?
*He sighed and leaned back, severing the contact between them as he turned away.*
"I feel your absence all the time..."
|
|
|
Post by Erik on Oct 9, 2007 9:53:24 GMT -5
*Erik felt the loss as a physical need, one he'd felt often but could--or perhaps would--not, in this context, understand. He wanted Julian close again. Wanted completion. He told himself it was his body, fooled by what he'd denied it with Christian mere minutes ago. He slipped up behind Julian, wrapping his arms around the other man's chest. He did not have to bend to whisper hotly in his ear,*
"You are Erik's. Forever."
|
|
|
Post by Julian on Oct 9, 2007 20:43:39 GMT -5
But will you ever be mine? Can you be?
*Julian fought his need for Erik's touch, prolonging it before squirming away gently. It was one of those few times he wanted to keep his thoughts private, but it was hard with Erik so close.*
"I...thank you. For your comforting words."
Even if that's all I ever have.
|
|
|
Post by Erik on Oct 9, 2007 20:48:39 GMT -5
*Why did he push Erik away? Could he not feel that current, that completeness when they touched? He wanted it, wanted what he'd been denied all these years. Belonging.*
"It's more than words," *he said, his beautiful voice rough now.* "It's... can't you feel it?"
|
|
|
Post by Julian on Oct 9, 2007 20:54:14 GMT -5
Of course I can. I live only for when you touch me.
*Julian swallowed, knowing that he couldn't hide such raw emotion (or such thoughts) from Erik. Couldn't he understand? He was speaking of feeling and yet...couldn't he feel Julian's need? He turned back and stood before him, painfully close, as if to touch was forbidden in some way. His voice was a whisper.*
"Please...can't you see? I..."
*He shut his eyes and lowered his head.*
"I fear I can't make you understand..."
|
|
|
Post by Erik on Oct 9, 2007 21:02:17 GMT -5
*Erik looped a hand over Julian's neck, his emotions muddled, a mix of Christian and Christine and Julian and Nadir and Vianne and Megan and Shadi and Poe and everyone he'd ever touched, ever wanted to, all pulling at him. Pulling him towards Julian.*
"I want to," *he said.* "I want to understand. I want..."
*Suddenly, as if he hadn't moved, he was kissing Julian, with all the desire he'd ever felt funneling through him. He could not think. Only do.*
|
|
|
Post by Julian on Oct 9, 2007 22:21:30 GMT -5
((Poor Vianne.))
*The kiss was unexpected, but it was the most natural thing Julian had ever known. When they touched, shared this...they weren't separate. They were one being, pure and strong and whole. It was as if everything else fell away. His hands were in Erik's hair, pulling him into the kiss, taking and giving all that he had and all that he wanted. He needed this. They both did. He finally understood. But did Erik? Julian couldn't force enough thought to rationalize it. He hungered with a new passion, something that could not be slaked and yet was satisfied in every moment of this.*
Please don't stop...don't ever stop...
|
|
|
Post by Erik on Oct 10, 2007 9:19:22 GMT -5
((I suck!! I edited; Erik did not mean to leave her out. It was suethor error.))
*Later, he would tease out why this was wrong. He really couldn't think about that now, because without knowing it he'd stumbled upon his whole self--the self he hadn't realized he'd been missing. The hole inside was far deeper than Julian's mere absence made it feel--entwined, touching, the sense of fullness was so intense that he wasn't sure he could ever go back to being Just Erik. This emotion didn't supplant his other passions, but preceded it, underlay it.
Was this why he was never satisfied with another, no matter how enjoyable his passion?
His fingers woven through Julian's long hair, he marveled at the beauty of this creature that was his, forever. Who was neither human nor entirely not. Whose kiss seemed to take advantage of the fact Erik had no nose, instead of just ignoring it.
He didn't know how long it went on, but eventually even people without noses have to breath. Their faces touching, he sucked in air greedily, the sound loud in the still cellar air.*
|
|
|
Post by Julian on Oct 10, 2007 17:29:39 GMT -5
*Julian nuzzled against Erik greedily, once having tasted of having unable to bear the thought of going without. But then came fear. Realization that Erik might not have thought things through....that he might change his mind and push Julian away. He didn't know if he could bear such a thought. He froze, not wanting to force Erik onward, nor to pull away. He needed to be needed by him, but could not take what was only meant to be given*
Erik?
|
|
|
Post by Erik on Oct 10, 2007 17:37:57 GMT -5
Julian.
*Even his mental voice seemed dazed, as if he spoke from a delirium. Julian wanted something more... Erik only knew he'd give him anything. This wasn't control, but no one else was orchestrating things. On a whim, he leaned his head back slightly to look into Julian's eyes. To see if he would find that disgust everyone always showed, no matter what they said about acceptance.
But he only saw... Julian. Or himself. Or both, but there was no judging. Nothing shielded.*
|
|
|
Post by Julian on Oct 10, 2007 17:41:05 GMT -5
*As Erik leaned back, Julian's brow crinkled in worry, his eyes searching Erik's, indifferent to his different visage.*
"Are you...is everything all right?"
*His voice was timid with the fear of rejection.*
Please don't take this away from me...
|
|
|
Post by Erik on Oct 10, 2007 17:47:12 GMT -5
*For once, Erik didn't care if he was being looked at. This was what he'd always wanted.*
"You do not just tolerate Erik's face," *he said by way of explanation.* "Erik doesn't have to show you he's a man, beneath it all."
|
|
|
Post by Julian on Oct 10, 2007 17:52:35 GMT -5
*Julian smiled cautiously, as if unsure that was all it was.*
"But...of course. Erik...there is nothing in my world more lovely than you."
You are so much more than a man.
|
|
|
Post by Erik on Oct 10, 2007 17:56:18 GMT -5
*In anyone else, it would have been ridiculous flattery, and have backfired terribly. But he could not doubt Julian's sincerity.*
You truly believe that.
*And before he could question it again, he drew Julian's head to his for another kiss.*
|
|