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Post by Dr. Connors on Feb 19, 2018 22:44:02 GMT -5
"Well, there's time." Unless something worse happened to her, and it might, but he couldn't bear to think of that. "There's time for the two of us to get to know each other."
His hand fell a little lower on her back, not on purpose.
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Post by Nina Fortner on Feb 19, 2018 22:50:08 GMT -5
The mad thought occurred to her that she might be brave enough to reject Raoul, and she pushed it away, guiltily and embarrassed - she couldn't handle it if she pursued something with Curt and found she had severely miscalculated. The second mad thought occurred to her that Raoul wouldn't mind or care what she did with other men so long as she came back to him - the way he spoke about Curt and the wardrobe of other women's dresses made that point very clear; Raoul certainly didn't think they were exclusive and wanted her to know it.
But Curt.... Curt didn't deserve that kind of a paltry thing. That wasn't open-mindedness, or polyamory or whatever it was called; that was just unfair.
Curt deserved a smarter and older woman with slightly fewer problems who would move into his impossibly unlived-in house and go downstairs and make breakfast in the morning, certainly not one who ran off every weekened to hotels or indeed, possibly even left the country on seedy trips to see her other boyfriend. But Nina was too scared to try to be that woman if there was a risk it wouldn't work out.
It seemed less like a risk and more of a certainty. This conversation had certainly brought that home to her.
"It was fun while it lasted," she said, feeling a little empty inside.
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Post by Dr. Connors on Feb 19, 2018 23:58:45 GMT -5
"I'm glad you found me fun." This was a joke; he tried to telegraph this in his very Welsh face, looking down on her all heartbroken.
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Post by Nina Fortner on Feb 20, 2018 4:37:24 GMT -5
Inside herself, Nina felt her heart snap. "Oh, Curt," she said mournfully, touching his cheek. She searched his face, feeling a little desperate, as if that would give her some clue as to how to tell him what she felt. Nothing came to mind with particular ease or clarity. And he wouldn't know just to look at her. After all, she had been a very successful eugenics experiment.
She tried haltingly, feeling her eyes well up again.
"It's such a - a dark place inside me, Curt. It's so, so dark inside of my head. And with Raoul -" Her breath caught. "The dark doesn't hurt as much. But with you..."
Nina bit her lip, and struggled to get the words out without breaking into a fresh round of weeping. "....I feel as though I might get out of it. So - You see - I feel -" Nina gasped and wiped at her own cheek, feeling younger and more ill-equipped for any man than ever. "I belong in his world; I don't belong in yours; but I want to. I want to. I wish I did." I wish you could love me. Even if he thought he could now, it would come out eventually. The truth. The monster inside her.
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Post by Dr. Connors on Feb 20, 2018 7:04:18 GMT -5
Curt put an extremely tentative hand up to her cheek.
"There's another side to you, one you don't have to like. It sounds -- very painful. But if you ever want to visit my world, even if only as a friend..."
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Post by Nina Fortner on Feb 20, 2018 18:28:15 GMT -5
She wanted to kiss him enormously.
"If only as a friend," she repeated wistfully, with a hurt smile, laying her hand gently over his.
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Post by Dr. Connors on Feb 20, 2018 18:55:06 GMT -5
Curt squeezed her hand.
"Then that's all right."
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Post by Nina Fortner on Feb 20, 2018 19:38:11 GMT -5
Nina laced their fingers together, sliding her fingers down the palm of his hand and holding it, rubbing it gently. It was hard to let go. It seemed like their last chance.
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Post by Dr. Connors on Feb 20, 2018 19:56:29 GMT -5
Curt pressed the backs of her knuckles to his mouth.
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Post by Nina Fortner on Feb 20, 2018 20:01:41 GMT -5
Nina's mouth opened in gentle surprise (and perhaps a bit of longing) - then she smiled at him in reflexive joy, and thumbed at his cheek with her other hand.
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Post by Dr. Connors on Feb 20, 2018 21:57:34 GMT -5
He smiled, thinly but dopily.
"You aren't hungry, are you? I'll fry you an egg."
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Post by Nina Fortner on Feb 20, 2018 22:04:18 GMT -5
And then the moment seemed to be out of her reach like a curl of smoke. Nina still had pain in her eyes as she smiled back at him, though it was no less sincere for that. "Will you, Curt? That's sweet of you. I would like it if you did."
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Post by Dr. Connors on Feb 20, 2018 22:37:14 GMT -5
"Absolutely. I could even manage a piece of toast for you, under the circumstances."
The presence of carbohydrates anywhere in the vicinity of Adrian was almost certainly a concession to Curt alone. Not that they'd seen much of each other, and he'd rather be with Nina.
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Post by Nina Fortner on Feb 20, 2018 22:40:02 GMT -5
Nina nodded and smiled, and then hesitated as the smile faded away. Cautiously, she put her arms around his shoulders, watching his face and careful of his body language to be sure he wasn't upset by it, that he permitted it, and seeing that he did not tense or shrug her away in discomfort, she rested her head against his shoulder and kissed him very chastely, but intimately, upon the neck.
"And afterward, do you suppose... you would join me down on the beach?" she asked quietly. She was aware now she was clinging.
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Post by Dr. Connors on Feb 20, 2018 23:04:08 GMT -5
Curt made a surprised sound, though in truth it was a pleasant surprise.
"Let me get my tennis shoes."
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