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Post by Teja on Jun 25, 2015 23:00:28 GMT -5
She sat slowly in shock.
"...responsible? How on earth-"
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Jun 25, 2015 23:01:53 GMT -5
"The city wouldn't be flocking to Loki if- well."
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Post by Teja on Jun 25, 2015 23:08:18 GMT -5
"....yes, it would. It absolutely would be, in any era of human history. Don't be so hard on yourself," she said softly. "You're responsible for enough that you don't need to be responsible for everything."
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Jun 25, 2015 23:10:28 GMT -5
"Megan tried to kill herself this morning, it seems," he sighed. "I have a great number of chickens coming home to roost, Teja."
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Post by Teja on Jun 25, 2015 23:17:11 GMT -5
She sat in stunned and unhappy silence over that for a long time.
"...I think that one might be on me, too," she said finally, her voice sounding a little distorted to her own ears.
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Jun 25, 2015 23:19:12 GMT -5
"I can almost guarantee you it wasn't," he said, as reassuringly as he could.
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Post by Teja on Jun 25, 2015 23:20:39 GMT -5
"She doesn't have a support system. She had one friend, and I walked out on her."
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Jun 25, 2015 23:24:22 GMT -5
"I'm not going to bellow at you that it's not your fault, make you feel worse for not feeling better," he conceded, "but she does have other friends, and none of you are responsible for her."
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Post by Teja on Jun 25, 2015 23:28:50 GMT -5
"I've been suicidal. Being abandoned is... it only feels like confirmation that you deserve to die."
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Jun 25, 2015 23:30:58 GMT -5
"Teja..."
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Post by Teja on Jun 25, 2015 23:31:58 GMT -5
She swallowed. "I didn't mean to inflict that on anybody else." Her eyes started to blur, thinking about how moments before she'd spoken openly about wanting to leave Loki. Speaking of people who most certainly would feel abandoned if she did, and struggled with intrusive, dangerous thoughts...
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Jun 25, 2015 23:36:51 GMT -5
"I truly don't believe you did."
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Post by Teja on Jun 25, 2015 23:39:20 GMT -5
Hot tears fell on her cheeks, but even though she had the urge to cry she couldn't physically do it. "This is exactly why I can't leave Loki," she said through a clenched jaw. "He actually accused me of thinking if I leave him he'll hurt others. 'Regress', he said. If I leave him he might hurt himself-"
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Jun 25, 2015 23:42:08 GMT -5
"But that's not your fault," Adrian sighed. "I... I don't want you developing this kind of- of sense of responsibility the way I did. You're too young."
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Post by Teja on Jun 25, 2015 23:46:34 GMT -5
"But I am responsible. Both generally and- personally. We're all obligated to better this world in the ways that we can, and - if something happened to Loki, and I was the direct catalyst, it wouldn't matter that I wasn't responsible. His life is worth more than my-" She stopped, unable to think of a word. Comfort, safety, health were all too strong. Loki didn't abuse her. She liked him. (She felt guilty that like was the word she'd started to use in her mind.) "Well. Staying with him doesn't do me any harm, but leaving him could harm him."
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