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Post by Loki Odinsson on Aug 21, 2015 19:35:40 GMT -5
"Not all the time," he said, starting to smile again.
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Post by Teja on Aug 21, 2015 19:39:13 GMT -5
She found herself smiling back at him.
"And so what do you want now, if not that?"
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Aug 21, 2015 19:44:06 GMT -5
"Right now, it matters more what you want," he said gently. "We'll worry about the rest later."
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Post by Teja on Aug 21, 2015 19:46:11 GMT -5
Her smile faltered then. It had lasted such a short while.
"I don't know what I want."
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Aug 23, 2015 0:25:37 GMT -5
"There's no shame in that," Loki said reassuringly.
He kissed her forehead for good measure.
"Teja..."
Loki leaned his head back and took a deep breath as he tried to decide how to phrase this.
"I know it has been... difficult... these past few months, but everything is changing now, and- I mean, if you could see how different it is for me now, in my thoughts, than when I first came here-"
He stopped.
"Heavens, that's not a very good argument for sanity, is it," he said, with a boyish, embarrassed laugh.
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Post by Teja on Aug 23, 2015 21:35:42 GMT -5
Well, that was endearing. She was coaxed into a wavery smile again.
"What are your thoughts? What did they use to be?" If Adrian had a particular intellectual attraction to Loki's body (and apparently, recently, a carnal one), Teja's was in his mind. It was not a very honorable way to be interested in one's romantic partner, but held such fascination for her.
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Aug 23, 2015 21:49:33 GMT -5
"It's hard to explain. I don't have a great number of clear memories of it anymore, just... resentment, and confusion, and- oh, darling, suffice it to say, I don't feel like that anymore. I don't want to take that beautiful smile away again."
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Post by Teja on Aug 23, 2015 21:55:17 GMT -5
But that snuffed it out.
"I don't like it when you call me that."
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Aug 23, 2015 23:57:41 GMT -5
"Not darling, surel-"
He stopped and frowned.
"Oh. You mean the other one. I'm sorry, Teja- I suppose I shall have to be more careful."
She was miserable, and it was his fault. Loki could hardly bear seeing her like this- it felt like he had pulled everything out of her to his own enrichment, like even his goodness was wicked in a way. He held her close and nuzzled her hair again for good measure.
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Post by Teja on Aug 24, 2015 16:59:44 GMT -5
She didn't have the energy to cuddle and be sociable; she had to work in just a few short hours, and needed all of her energy for being sociable there. She pulled away from him just as he'd pulled her closer and stood up and walked away, not even thinking of needing to tell him something to explain why.
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Aug 24, 2015 18:25:57 GMT -5
He watched her, but then guiltily averted his gaze.
"Maybe I should go with you later, to act as a distraction."
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Post by Teja on Aug 24, 2015 18:27:28 GMT -5
"They'd only notice faster."
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Aug 25, 2015 19:01:58 GMT -5
"Yes, but it would be me they noticed-"
He stood up and moved closer to her in concern.
"And I could protect you," he said, a little desperately. "You have to understand, when I first met you, I- I hated everything, I hated myself. My thoughts were consumed by bitterness and revenge on the whole universe and everybody in it, and then..."
Loki stopped and leaned in the doorway.
"...I used to hear echoes of everything that had gone wrong before I fell whenever that got a little too close to the surface.
"I remember the first thing that pierced through it, too. It was your voice. 'Wake up, my funny little darling.' You might not even recall that. I won't judge you for it."
He looked up at her again.
"I still hear the echoes here and there. I'm... I'm beginning to realize that I am possibly a little mad, regardless. But you, Teja, you've done so much for me..."
He was very close now.
"How could I not want to give some of your generosity now that I can? I love you, Teja. I want to take care of you."
He embraced her again, a little tentatively, and ruffled her hair gently.
"I don't want to continue being... a hardship. I think I've been one most of my life to someone or another."
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Post by Teja on Aug 27, 2015 20:45:51 GMT -5
She was exhausted, but she listened to him anyway. It had been a long time, she supposed on reflection, since he had been quite this honest. The love stuff was not new, but the confidence in her about his mental health was.
"You're being a hardship," she said gently. "I need to be alone right now."
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Aug 28, 2015 18:04:09 GMT -5
Loki stopped abruptly and looked down at her.
He blinked.
"...all right," he said softly, and he let her go. "I understand."
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