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Post by Loki Odinsson on Dec 29, 2014 14:30:22 GMT -5
"You know, I have discussed ways around that, " he said, crossing his arms, "and you rejected those as well-"
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Post by Teja on Dec 29, 2014 14:48:34 GMT -5
"Ways around what?" she asked wearily. "You giving up your lifespan to match mine, making me a vampire... I'm permitted to reject bad ideas, you know!"
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Dec 29, 2014 14:52:47 GMT -5
"The vampire idea is definitely out-"
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Post by Teja on Dec 29, 2014 14:57:10 GMT -5
"If i feel guilty at the idea of you giving up the throne for me, giving up your entire lifespan isn't going to make me feel much better."
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Dec 29, 2014 15:03:17 GMT -5
"Did I say that was my intent-"
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Post by Teja on Dec 29, 2014 15:06:02 GMT -5
Her eyes snapped up to his in more than irritation, looking less pretty and more red than they had when they had arrived such a short time before. "Unfreeze time, right now, you goddamn control freak."
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Dec 29, 2014 17:26:24 GMT -5
He looked at her for a moment.
"No," he said, very quietly. "We're not done here."
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Post by Teja on Dec 29, 2014 17:43:56 GMT -5
She stared at him in shock and building rage, but very little of it showed in her voice. However, her breathing was becoming heavy, her hands starting to shake.
"You can't just do this whenever you want, Loki, it's like picking me up and putting me on a shelf and telling me I can't come down until I've agreed to your terms-"
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Dec 29, 2014 17:57:55 GMT -5
"I don't know what to do anymore, " he said. "I don't know how to make you happy, that much is clear . Any time I try to repair things it is never good enough- never good enough-"
Without thinking, he smashed a large vase on a pedestal.
It fluttered to the ground as though it were a pile of dry leaves rather than pottery. Loki dove down and caught the pieces, staring at them in his hands before tossing them back at the pedestal. They leapt back in place and reassembled, and he exhaled sharply.
"...what am I doing," he muttered.
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Post by Teja on Dec 29, 2014 18:25:02 GMT -5
She had taken a couple of steps away from him without realizing it.
It occurred to her - she wondered if it had also occurred to him, at this moment - that the man he had been when they had met had never really gone away or improved, and that she had not seen the deeper breaks in his psychology until now, that perhaps it was not possible for Loki to get better. If he would always be cyclicallly on the verge of another breakdown related to feeling inferior. It made her feel less angry at him; he couldn't help it. It made her sorrowful. She couldn't help him, either.
And, with considerably greater fear, she began to wonder if it was only a brief idyllic phase of thinking she had fixed him that had made him so well-disposed to her, and if she was already becoming, like his brother, a disappointment and source of betrayal - if the love he bore her was going to turn very sour, as had already happened to him with Thor.
She'd never felt afraid of Loki before - his suggesting such moments ago had mostly irritated her. But she was aware of the gap there was between them, of centuries of lived experience he'd had and the truth that he was perhaps too settled in those centuries of experience to break any pattern after a few months on Midgard. She was aware that what she saw of him was perhaps only a small fraction of the whole - and remembering for the first time in a very long time what he was capable of and what he had already done. This business with Thor and their friends, it wasn't about some very large argument. Loki had tried to kill them all. He had tried to massacre an entire planet, and partially succeeded.
She hadn't answered him, she realized now; he might have been too lost in his own thoughts to notice, but she owed him some kind of response.
All the comforting words she wanted to offer died on her tongue. She almost felt as though she felt nothing when she looked him in the eye and lifted her chin up a little, and said, in a voice that came out smaller and more wavery than intended, "You're right. I am afraid of you."
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Dec 29, 2014 18:35:31 GMT -5
His head snapped up at the sound of this.
"...no, I'm sorry. I'm fine. I'm fine ."
He stood up and stilled himself, taking a deep breath.
"I'm sorry. I'm fine."
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Post by Teja on Dec 29, 2014 19:13:02 GMT -5
She put her shivering arms around herself.
"You're not."
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Dec 29, 2014 19:32:22 GMT -5
"I will be," he amended.
He looked up at her again and wilted.
"...that was- I would never have, not to you-"
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Post by Teja on Dec 29, 2014 19:42:44 GMT -5
"Maybe you think that," she said quietly. "But you tried to kill your brother once."
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Post by Loki Odinsson on Dec 29, 2014 19:56:45 GMT -5
"And now- Teja, don't you understand? I'm trying- I'm trying so hard-"
He came closer, a little tentatively, but doing his best to show that his tentativeness was for her benefit, not a test of his limits.
"I don't want to do any of that, ever again. I don't enjoy it- it's like- like burning-"
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