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Post by Adrien Baillon on Aug 13, 2010 3:42:27 GMT -5
The hat having tumbled from his head already, he looked up, bareheaded, face streaky, and wibbled before pitching himself into Adrian's arms, where at least he wouldn't have to look at him.
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Aug 13, 2010 3:45:58 GMT -5
He stroked Adrien's hair and stared into space.
"...I didn't want you to have to know any of this. I wanted to spare-"
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Post by Adrien Baillon on Aug 13, 2010 3:48:39 GMT -5
He clenched his hand over his ear and scratched, then forcibly stopped. There were red nailmarks on his neck now.
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Aug 13, 2010 3:52:36 GMT -5
Adrian stared numbly.
Adrien didn't deserve any of this. Certainly not what was coming.
"...I have one more thing to tell you."
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Post by Adrien Baillon on Aug 13, 2010 3:56:06 GMT -5
He clung to him, nails now digging into Adrian's arms, as though he were a wet cat.
"Yes?"
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Aug 13, 2010 4:14:45 GMT -5
"...I always knew that one day, you'd know what I really am, and you would be horrified, or worse... you would break down, like this... and never come back from it. And I didn't want to hurt you..."
He took a deep breath.
"When you were ill, and I made you that tea... I poisoned it. Colorless, tasteless, indetectable. I thought that then, you could... die happily... and I couldn't even give you that. I loved you too much to let you go."
He was shaking, still stroking Adrien like he needed reassurance he was there.
"God, and I still do. You are... you're my entire world, Adrien. I used to be so satisfied in my solitude, and now... You are worth more to me than anything else in this existence, and without you... I don't know. Fuck, I have no idea..."
He kissed Adrien's forehead hard, desperately.
"I don't expect your forgiveness. I couldn't even hurt you to save you from more pain.
"I don't deserve you."
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Post by Adrien Baillon on Aug 13, 2010 4:25:00 GMT -5
...worse than what he was hearing, worse than the sudden realization - not just of the facts themselves, but somehow that the memory of Adrian saying, "I want to take care of you for the rest of your life" meant something vastly different than he had let Adrien believe - was the sudden sinking sensation in his chest when he realized Adrian was shaking. Badly.
Why would he say he didn't deserve Adrien? He felt completely ashamed of himself, completely unworthy of Adrian, who had once realized he'd have to poison him because he was incapable of hearing these things... and here he was proving him completely right... hurting Adrian, because he could no more handle what Adrian had told him than Adrian could handle killing him... Once again, Adrien's fault, because Adrien had jinxed him. He couldn't go through with it, even though it would have solved everything, made everything better... Adrian had seen what had needed to be done - that is, remove Adrien from the picture for the greater good - Adrian's own life and mental health and purity - and Adrien had intervened.
His grip on Adrian tightened and he started to cry against him again. "I love you and don't ever leave me, please - "
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Aug 13, 2010 4:37:55 GMT -5
"I won't, sssh, I can't..."
A wave of relief washed over him. Maybe Adrien would understand in a few weeks, after all.
"I love you so much..."
And there was at least one thing he could do for Adrien in return.
"Adrien, look at me."
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Post by Adrien Baillon on Aug 13, 2010 4:38:46 GMT -5
He looked up at him, taking his hands needily and holding them tightly enough to crush. "Yes? What?"
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Aug 13, 2010 4:41:59 GMT -5
"If living as a woman is really what would make you happiest, I want you to do it."
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Post by Adrien Baillon on Aug 13, 2010 4:43:04 GMT -5
"I just want to be yours, your Adrien, that's all!"
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Aug 13, 2010 4:45:30 GMT -5
He smiled, practically beaming with relief.
"You are... you already are..."
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Post by Adrien Baillon on Aug 13, 2010 4:47:44 GMT -5
He embraced him, painfully tightly.
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Post by Adrian Veidt on Aug 13, 2010 4:50:06 GMT -5
Adrian sighed and closed his eyes, unable to stop smiling.
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Post by Adrien Baillon on Aug 13, 2010 4:51:36 GMT -5
His body untensed so suddenly he went limp against him, but he was trembling all over.
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