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Post by Rochester on Feb 17, 2009 18:27:08 GMT -5
*Rochester watched her, somehow detached. Her fury...it cooled his somehow. But things were so unsure, so uncertain. He needed to be somewhere else. Somewhere private. But he suddenly realized that he couldn't take her home. It wasn't his after all. And he wouldn't have them somewhere that such a cruel man could just walk in as he pleased. His eyes never leaving her, he slipped the jacket from his shoulders and held it out to her.*
"We--we need to go somewhere." *He started towards the street, intent on hailing a cab.*
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Post by Shadi on Feb 17, 2009 18:36:51 GMT -5
With her eyes lowered, the jacket swam into her view, and she raised them to his as she took it. It was a conciliatory gesture, she thought. Either that, or she looked a fright. She nodded.
"Okay," she said. "Anywhere." She didn't care.
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Post by Rochester on Feb 17, 2009 18:42:16 GMT -5
*Happy to see the cab as it slowed, he instructed it to a fine hotel on instinct. Rochester turned to her, pausing only a moment at the sight of her before offering a hand to help her in. He didn't say anything, but his eyes were softer. Though he still seemed worn and justifiably so.*
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Post by Shadi on Feb 17, 2009 18:49:03 GMT -5
She stared at the hand a moment before accepting in and climbing in. She was moving almost as if in shock, as if she had to remind her body of its function before making any move at all.
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Post by Rochester on Feb 17, 2009 18:55:06 GMT -5
*He followed her in, sitting across from her and staring at her knees a bit numbly.*
"I just--I'm not sure how to feel." *He confessed softly, the gentle rock of the coach lulling him a bit.*
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Post by Shadi on Feb 17, 2009 19:00:11 GMT -5
"You should hate me," she said simply, without apparent emotion. "You should take the handiest opportunity to let me out, preferably in some humiliating fashion. Now that I know you're alive... that will be enough. I suppose I can live with what I've done."
It struck her suddenly that if Nadir had lied about that, perhaps he'd like about other things. It wasn't as if she could trust Valmont, either. Perhaps things had been going better for him, with her gone. Perhaps she'd done him a favor, as she'd wanted to. Perhaps he didn't know how to feel because he didn't want her back in his life.
"I'll go back to the circus," she continued dully. "And you can go on doing... living your life."
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Post by Rochester on Feb 17, 2009 19:07:11 GMT -5
*He was quiet, listening as she demeaned herself. She had some valid points. But not many. When she was finally done, Rochester swallowed slowly.*
"But...I wasn't." *He confided softly, still studying her knees.*
"I wasn't living my life. I was...rotting. Without you." *His lips trembled as he was forced to come to terms with the fact.*
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Post by Shadi on Feb 17, 2009 19:11:31 GMT -5
Shadi raised her eyes to his face in surprise, and had to look away almost instantly.
"No, you weren't," she whispered. "You were rotting with me. You couldn't see it... I was changing you. And here you are, fine and beautiful and... you don't need me, Rochester, and you shouldn't need me, and Valmont was right." She swallowed. "About what I'm good for."
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Post by Rochester on Feb 17, 2009 19:15:11 GMT -5
"What do you know about it?" *Rochester snapped, a little sharper than he meant to. He tried to steady himself, licking his lips before going on.*
"I spent days....weeks...I didn't see anyone. I didn't want to see anyone. Not anyone else."
*He set his jaw, lifting his gaze.*
"I've had to force this charade to pass as a normal man. But they aren't you, Shadi."
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Post by Shadi on Feb 17, 2009 19:24:43 GMT -5
Her eyes met his, and she felt caught, like a mouse by a cobra, only Rochester wasn't a snake at all.
"I'm nothing special," she said desperately. "I thought, if I left, you'd see that... I thought you'd be angry, sure, but you'd see what I'd been doing to you, and you'd... you'd be grateful eventually, and..."
She broke off, close to tears. She'd been miserable without him, worse when she'd thought him dead, and now she couldn't tell him because she didn't deserve for him to know and he wouldn't care anyway. She'd hurt him, on purpose (or so it looked, she knew that) and there was no way out of that. Nadir had been right--partly.
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Post by Rochester on Feb 18, 2009 8:52:22 GMT -5
*Rochester, even in his most conflicted emotional state, couldn't bear to see her cry. It ripped at his insides. Without thinking, he slipped to the other side of the cab and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her to him.*
"Shh now, darling..." *He soothed, stroking her hair and rocking her slightly.*
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Post by Shadi on Feb 18, 2009 10:09:11 GMT -5
"No."
Shadi pulled away, curling in on herself. "Don't comfort me, Rochester. I'm not the wounded party. Maybe I should feel miserable."
She was so confused. She'd imagined him, carefree and happy. Then she'd imagined him miserable and dead. Now that he'd disproved both notions, she didn't know what to do with him. She'd ruined everything. She knew now she never should have left. But what good did that do either of them now?
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Post by Rochester on Feb 18, 2009 10:31:05 GMT -5
*Rochester scooted back, surprised by her displeasure and rather put off by it. She kept denying him. He should be angry. Maybe he was. But that didn't make it any easier to bear her tears. His lips tightened, the muscles in his neck taut.*
"Then what am I to do?" *He asked, his voice soft and only slightly veiling his frustration.*
"You'd deny me the only comfort I'd seek?"
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Post by Shadi on Feb 18, 2009 11:03:21 GMT -5
Shadi scrubbed at her eyes, peering up at him.
"I don't know," she confessed. She couldn't understand how she could possibly be comforting to him. "I'd do anything to make you happy, Rochester. But I can't take back..."
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Post by Rochester on Feb 18, 2009 11:13:58 GMT -5
"Then don't."
*Rochester turned, catching her by the shoulders.*
"If you can't change it, there's not much point on dwelling in the past, now is there?"
*The corner of his lips lifted, though he didn't dare smile. It had been a long term philosophy of his, and he was in desperate need of it at the moment.*
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