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Post by Fox Mulder on Dec 9, 2008 11:12:28 GMT -5
It wasn't unheard of, Mulder knew, for the very manipulative to use honesty in their deceptions. Krycek might very well be telling the truth. In fact, it made a sort of sense of his character for Mulder, when he considered the fact that taking Krycek's utter disregard for morality could not possibly define his emotional landscape. So it was quite possible, likely, even, that Krycek was excited to see him. Did see Mulder as something familiar and perversely companionate in a world that was hostile in its unfamiliarity, if nothing else. And it also occurred to him that Krycek would always seek some sort of authority, even if he'd never admit to seeing Mulder as such. He had been in a subordinate position to him, in the early days, and from the sound of it Krycek was used to that in general.
In short, Mulder thought it very likely that Krycek meant every word he said. He wasn't habitually deceptive about his emotions, anyway, when he was talking and not actively betraying or being punched in the face by Mulder. Misguided or not, Krycek wasn't a liar.
But his words were still somewhat astonishing. That Krycek could openly say something like that, without thinking how it sounded, seemed improbable. He must have an ulterior motive. But no, he was too smart to think Mulder could be got around that way. For one thing, Krycek had to know they weren't friends and never had been. Which meant he most likely meant it.
He wasn't sure who that was saddest for.
"I find that hard to believe," he said. "Aren't you supposed to be the last man standing? You and the cockroaches and rats? I just miss my..." Scully. "Television. You, at your own admission, didn't have anything to lose. What is there to miss?"
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Post by Alex Krycek on Dec 9, 2008 12:03:23 GMT -5
Alex shrugged and shook his head. It stung, but not as much as he thought it might. Little things that like he was supposed to be grateful for. And he was, to some degree. He did ask a lot more of Mulder than even Krycek thought he was likely to get from him, and he was aware of it to know that if Mulder at all rose to meet him.
Smile not entirely faded, but no longer apparently, he said, "My identity. The feeling that I know what I'm supposed to be doing. It's hard to let go of things like that. I'm glad there's anybody I know here, but even moreso that it's you, because..." How to word it? "If it were...somebody else..." Like Marita. Or anyone else he worked with, anyone else within the project. "...I would get back more of that identity than I really miss."
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Post by Fox Mulder on Dec 9, 2008 12:22:58 GMT -5
To his surprise, Mulder found himself listening and nodding, though only slightly. It made sense, from what he knew of Krycek.
And if he admitted it to himself, he needed the identity of purpose, himself. Everything he'd accomplished in life had been about driving himself and living up to some task. And yet there was a certain freedom in shedding some of that; sometimes he'd welcomed the down time during investigations, when he and Scully could just talk, like normal people though seldom about normal things, and feel both that they were doing their duty but didn't have any duty to be doing at the moment.
"You want out, but you need somewhere else to go," he said. Alex Krycek really had no life, no overreaching goal beyond himself and what was imposed upon him. It left him drifting. The fact that he was currently engaged in trying to figure Krycek out didn't strike him as particularly odd or indicative of sympathy or friendship. It was what he did, wasn't it? Profiling. "And you think, maybe, I can provide that. But you're worried the role you'll fall into is the only one you've every played with me--and frankly, that worries me, too."
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Post by Alex Krycek on Dec 9, 2008 12:31:57 GMT -5
Krycek himself listened and nodded as Mulder spoke, leaning forward slightly, head tilted. It was kind of comforting, in its own way, to be understood. Or to at least have someone trying to understand him. He hadn't been in very many strong relationships and certainly a lot of people were more interested in hating him or using him to get things done than getting to know him. And he imagined that most people, even at the most mundane jobs, lived lives like that. But those people were supposed to go home to families at the end of the day. They lived the rest of their lives elsewhere. Krycek only had one track to go on, and he couldn't have both. Krycek had not suspected this when he'd first joined, nor would it have occurred to him that it would be a problem. And his was a unique situation. Luis Cardinale, with whom he'd worked some time and spoken with occasionally, had joined them as an assassin after he'd been doing that sort of thing for some time.
He continued to listen until Mulder got to the end, then he shook his head. "I'm not worried about that. You don't know - I never saw it as a role. Not in the construct kind of way. It was...getting things done. Regardless of what I'm supposed to be doing, I act the same way around you. Well, unless I'm having a crisis of faith."
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Post by Fox Mulder on Dec 9, 2008 13:20:07 GMT -5
He wasn't sure but that that was more disturbing. Even if it made sense that Krycek was naturally subordinate, naturally took orders and got slapped around, naturally looked up to Mulder (in some way) despite their obvious differences, that didn't make things any more positive. It was easier to believe it was a role, both because it gave Krycek more backbone and because it implicated Mulder less in terms of importance to the man.
"But you might not know it," he pointed out. "I don't mean as a construct; I mean as a pattern of behavior between two people which is not exactly... healthy. I mean, if we were talking about people who genuinely should get along or share a common goal." He put the glass down, staring at it a moment as if wondering where it had come from.
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Post by Alex Krycek on Dec 9, 2008 15:12:44 GMT -5
Krycek thought that they were talking about the same thing, and therefore was utterly confused at Mulder's words, although it only showed on his face that he was mildly puzzled and contemplative. Had he known Mulder thought this role was a submissive, subservient, obsequious one, he might have been rather wounded about it; but he simply assumed Mulder was only referring to his attentiveness, his willingness to help, maybe his open mind. Krycek thought of himself as an ideally cooperative human being, when he wasn't being sent off to kill people.
"I'm not sure I understand what you mean," he said, falling naturally into the civil behavior demanded of a conversation, although he and Mulder probably hadn't spoken like this since they'd first met. "Aside from shoving each other up against walls, I don't think we do have a pattern of behavior that's....less than constructive. So you hate me, all right, but we get things done."
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Post by Fox Mulder on Dec 9, 2008 15:28:18 GMT -5
Well, it certainly explained a lot about Krycek, if he could say that, Mulder mused. Not that Mulder saw his treatment of Krycek as unjustified, but at times he could see things clearly enough to think it would be reasonable of Krycek to call it abuse. Again, full justified by the fact of Krycek's rat bastardliness.
"Well, you fetch coffee, betray me, I push you around, I find a gun in my face," he summed up neatly. "I mean, if that doesn't bother you at all, I guess I can live with it. I'm not planning on not hating you any time soon."
But it was more like a dull ache than a shooting pain right now; he was resigned, to an extent, to Krycek's presence.
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Post by Alex Krycek on Dec 9, 2008 15:37:49 GMT -5
Krycek, for that matter, most certainly thought of it as abuse, at least at times. Like Mulder could understand why Krycek might think so, Krycek could understand why Mulder might find it justifiable...at least to a point. After that, though, he failed to understand why Mulder thought it was so acceptable to try and do as much damage to Krycek as he did. He couldn't understand why he would really want to, either.
Krycek held up his hand from where it rested on the table as though in surrender, but his behavior was mild, and he spoke in a calm tone of voice. "I might have used different words, but, more or less," he said. Of course, he'd have used much different words, but if Krycek had been the sort of person to pick out every injustice he would probably have gotten a Peace Prize by then, at least in his opinion. "Although I did give the gun back last time. Don't you remember?"
It was the second time he'd specified so. It seemed to be something he really wanted to remain in Mulder's memory.
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Post by Fox Mulder on Dec 9, 2008 15:51:11 GMT -5
"Yes," Mulder said slowly, as if to a particularly dim child though it was not the sort of tone he'd have taken with a real one, "and that was very mature of you." And probably symbolic, if it came to that, along with the stupid kiss. And it only underscored his concept of Krycek as somehow subservient. "Are you saying you're the gentleman of scoundrels, or something? Fine, you didn't kill me; you warned me. And I got to keep my gun. Thanks."
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Post by Alex Krycek on Dec 9, 2008 16:03:50 GMT -5
Krycek should have been offended, and maybe he was, but he found himself laughing. Of course, after Mulder continued with it, it began to sound more hostile, and that made it quite a bit less funny, and he didn't laugh long. Although, in retrospect, it probably had been funny, but only to Mulder. A joke at Krycek's expense.
"I don't mean to imply that I am a gentleman," said Krycek with a more serious expression, "though I don't consider myself a scoundrel. We're in the same line of work, you know. Just walking in opposite directions." He leaned back and looked away, expression distant. "I like to think that means we meet on occasion."
Krycek might have been a rather optimistic person as far as these things went, but he could only take so much at a time, and was not a masochist by any stretch. Usually the abuse between himself and Mulder lasted a very short time and then they got away from each other. Here he had tracked him down and they were sitting together. He understood why, of course, but that didn't change the fact that Mulder had worn him down more quickly than he had anticipated. At the same time, he wondered what he had been thinking in the first place. He glanced back at Mulder again, seeming to watch him for a while before he said, "I can always go back upstairs."
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Post by Fox Mulder on Dec 9, 2008 16:44:36 GMT -5
Mulder, of course, wasn't considering Krycek's feelings at all, and found it slightly humorous. After all, the man brought it on himself. But he chuckled at the sheer illogic of the idea that walking in opposite directions meant meeting at all--the metaphor certainly wouldn't wash. "Only if one of us doubles back," he said. He raised his hands. "Look. I realize I said we could get along, for the time being. That doesn't mean I'm going to like you. But I haven't punched you all morning, and I realize you're trying." His brow furrowed. He had no idea what they were supposed to talk about, if it didn't involve hating Krycek. "I can try, too."
It was, probably, the closest thing to an apology Krycek was likely to hear.
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Post by Alex Krycek on Dec 9, 2008 19:05:34 GMT -5
Getting along did not, to Krycek's mind, involve making sarcastic jokes about the other and his way of life at every other comment, and as Krycek had not, to the best of his knowledge, been doing that, he felt he had upheld his end of the bargain certainly more than Mulder had. But as he had made the statement in case Mulder wanted to take him up on it - if he would rather Krycek were out of his sight - listening to Mulder persuade him against it wasn't so bad at all. It made him feel a bit pleased - although he was primarily wary - because it seemed to suggest that Mulder wanted him to stay. Most likely, Mulder was defensive at any suggestion that he was going over the top, and if Krycek had asked him if he wanted him to leave at any other time, he might have said yes. Here, he just had something to prove.
But if nothing else, he'd proven it. Krycek relaxed and leaned forward again, resting his elbow on the table, absent-mindedly rubbing the back of his knuckles along the bruise on his cheek from where Mulder had punched him the previously night. "All right." If he was going to stay, at least for a while longer, he might as well think up something to talk about. He hesitated before asking, but not for very long - "How long have you been here? At this inn, I mean. I was thinking about it earlier, and wondering why I hadn't seen you before."
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Post by Fox Mulder on Dec 9, 2008 19:11:12 GMT -5
Krycek's assumption--that he'd merely had something to prove--was not far off at all, but that didn't matter much because it wasn't as if he felt he had much choice in the matter. Either drive Krycek away, or deal with him. He could deal.
"Last night," he answered. "I was somewhere else, before. This seems nicer, though. But less private." As small talk went it was minimal, but at least it wasn't insulting.
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Post by Alex Krycek on Dec 9, 2008 19:27:01 GMT -5
Krycek was not usually one for small talk - he'd used to go for that, ask what someone liked to watch on television, what kind of gun he had, did he have a wife. He didn't think of himself as subservient, but he'd certainly been the good schoolboy who wanted to be in everybody's good graces. He'd gotten out of it, though, and said very little, unless it pertained to the job. But he didn't think trying - at least not now; he had his hopes - to talk about something more serious was going to get either of them very far. Besides, the small talk pretty much served as a foil for each to express his views and reveal basically how he intended to act around the other. The words themselves were not important.
"It is, more or less," answered Krycek, still not as into the conversation as he had been when they'd started, and not likely to be for some time, but improving, if still reserved. "Although the more people there are, the less chance you have of being noticed." He made a gesture towards the two of them absently. "Although it doesn't always stop you. Then again, some people are hard to ignore. I saw a woman with pink hair in here for tea this morning. She left in a hurry, but - how many people do you see with pink hair?"
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Post by Fox Mulder on Dec 10, 2008 11:07:34 GMT -5
"As many as possible," replied Mulder, before realizing who he must be talking about. "She was in here?" he asked. "Before breakfast? What time?"
Stupid; Emilie hadn't been sleeping at all. She was gone. Had she left altogether, or would she be back? He couldn't predict her, but he hoped for the latter. That he'd made enough of an impression to allow him to help her further. He didn't like thinking about her out on the street, or back in some half-rate, medieval torture chamber of a loony bin. Should he go back to the corner they'd met on? No, she wouldn't go there twice in a row, or even, possibly, twice in one week or month.
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